Raising Twins
In the pages of Holy Scripture -- there are at least two sets of twins mentioned -- the more famous being that of Esau & Jacob.
Their birth is recorded in Genesis 25. Isaac & Rebekah had been married for 20 years; -- Isaac was now nearly 60 years old -- & Rebekah up to this time -- had been childless. Like his father Abraham before him -- Isaac was deeply distressed by this misfortune -- so he prayed that the Lord would grant them a child. In answer to Isaac's prayer -- Rebekah became pregnant.
Let's read this story as we find it recorded in Genesis 25 -- beginning with verse 21 -- (Genesis 25:21-24 NLT). Isaac pleaded with the Lord to give Rebekah a child because she was childless. So the Lord answered Isaac's prayer,
and his wife became pregnant with twins. But the two children struggled with each other in her womb. So she went to ask the Lord about it. "Why is this happening to me?" she asked.
Rebekah was experiencing so much discomfort -- that she cried out to the Lord -- saying in essence: "I can't endure this much longer!"
(Vr. 23) -- And the Lord told her, "The sons in your womb will become two rival nations. One nation will be stronger than the other; the descendants of your older son will serve the descendants of your younger son." And when the time came, the twins were born.
In the KJV -- verse 24 reads: -- "And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb."
The advice I give this morning could be given to all parents raising children -- twins or non twins! -- Those of us who are not twins are called a singleton. -- But the principles I share this morning apply to all our children -- whither twins or singletons.
I have discover that the only person who has all the answers concerning the raising of children -- is the person who has never raised any children. So I speak to you not with any desire to be an expert -- but rather with the desire to be helpful.
1. Encourage Them To Be Individuals!
If two kids were ever different from one another -- it was certainly true with these twins -- Esau & Jacob. From the moment of their birth there were remarkable differences. Esau -- the first born -- was so covered with reddish hair that you would think he was wearing a fur coat. Jacob -- the second born -- came out holding onto his brother's heel.
As the two of them grew to maturity -- their differences became even more prominent. Esau became a skillful hunter -- a man of the open fields -- while his twin brother Jacob was the kind of person who liked to stay at home.
Being a twin has a great many advantages -- & some disadvantages. Only the twins can know what they are. The important thing for twins to remember is that -- you are yourself -- & not a copy of anyone else. To be happy in twinhood -- you must live your life as a unique individual -- & not part of a unit.
Kids in general are all unique -- & should be respected as individuals. This is even more so with twins!
Jeannette & I did not have the privilege of giving birth to children of our own -- so we adopted two children -- a natural brother & sister. But talk about being different -- in many ways they are as different as night & day. Our children -- Lynnette & Bill -- while natural brother & sister -- are so vastly different from one another: -- Lynnette is short -- even shorter than I am. Bill is tall -- so tall that when he was a teenager I had to stand on a step ladder in order to be able to talk with him eye-ball to eye-ball. Lynnette has always been a mixer -- a social butterfly. Bill -- on the other hand -- was a loner -- usually standing off in the corner waiting to go home after church.
Just because twins come about in the same birth process does not make them any less in their individually. It is, of course, easier to treat twins as a single unit -- rather than as two separate individuals. But twins need to be treated as separate & distinct personalities. Each is a person; -- each has an ego. Encourage them to develop individual personalities. Encourage them to follow separate interest -- & to develop their individual talents & gifts. Even when twins look alike to the causal observer -- this does not mean the think alike. Nor do they have identical interests -- talents -- or work-habits. Do not attempt to squeeze them into the same mold! It is far more important to produce two healthy personalities.
God gave them separate bodies -- separate minds -- separate nervous systems -- & separate wills. They are two separate human beings -- & God designed them to be individuals.
Encourage all your children to be individuals; -- to be free to disagree with one another; -- to be free to develop their own likes & dislikes; -- to cultivate their own friends, their own hobbies & interests.
Every twin -- every child -- should paste this motto where they can look at it every day: -- "The one thing that I can do better than anyone else is to be myself."
If there is one musical note that everyone of us here today should learn -- it is the key of B natural!
We had our first twins day at Wynne Chapel back in May 1990. A mother of a set of twins from Sierra Vista -- who served as President of the Cochise County Mothers of Multiples -- came to that event -- along with her twins -- Emily & Owen -- a twin brother & sister -- age 5. During Sunday School -- I introduced them to Sandy, who was at the time our Sunday School Superintendent. Without thinking before she spoke -- Sandy took one quick look at this boy & girl -- & asked the mother: -- "Oh, how cute. -- Are they identical?"
Of course it was obvious they were not identical -- one being a boy -- the other a girl; -- but even if they had been identical twins -- they still would have been unique & different. -- Allow them to be individuals!
2. Encourage Them To Be Honest!
Honesty is a basic virtue in life! When Grover Cleveland was a boy -- he insisted on returning the egg that a neighbor's hen daily laid on the Cleveland side of the fence. Honesty & respectability are learned early in life -- fitting one for positions of trust later.
Rebekah did not fair well when it came to teaching honesty to her sons -- Esau & Jacob. In fact -- when we read Genesis 27 -- we learn that she encouraged deceit instead of honesty in her son Jacob. When the twins' father was old -- & half blind -- & near his death bed -- it was time for him to pronounce his fatherly blessings upon the sons. Rebekah engineered it so that Jacob -- the second born -- would receive the blessing intended to the elder of the twins, Esau.
It does not make it right that Esau had sold his birth-right to Jacob for a bowl of soup. -- Two wrongs do not make a right! Honesty is still always the best policy!
In the past there was a television commercial that said: -- "Parents who do drugs have children who do drugs." That thought could well be expanded. Parents who cheat on their income tax have kids who cheat on their school work. -- Parents who steal have children who learn to steal. Parents who lie soon have children who also lie. Honesty is always the best policy!
But honesty must especially be encouraged in the lives of twins: -- Encourage them to be honest with themselves & with each other. Encourage them to be honest about their own likes & dislikes. Encourage them to be honest & open about their true feelings.
There is competition between all siblings; -- this is natural & it is normal. Twins can be twice as competitive -- & they usually are. Parents who fail to understand this make real trouble for their twins. Twins should not be made to feel guilty or disloyal if they don't stick together on all things.
Many of you will remember the popular advice columnists -- Ann Landers & Abigail Van Buren -- who themselves were identical twins -- & dressed alike until the day they were married -- in a double wedding ceremony. Ann recalls -- how at age 11 -- she felt a sense of guilt -- because she lacked the courage to express her preference for shredded wheat over puffed rice. She had been brought up to feel that "everything with twins should be alike." -- She knew her twin sister Abby preferred puffed rice -- while Ann personally preferred shredded wheat; -- so they would alternate. One day both of them would eat puffed rice -- & the next day they would both have shredded wheat. It was a momentous morning when Ann announced: -- "Look, you can eat puffed rice every day if you want it -- but I'm having shredded wheat." Abby was most agreeable -- for the two of them were learning to be perfectly honest with their preferences & their feelings.
Twenty-three years later -- in 1952 -- Ann supported Adlai Stevenson for President -- while her sister, Abby, supported General Eisenhower. They reminded each other of the shredded wheat & puffed rice -- & were able to have a good laugh about it.
3. Above all else -- Encourage Them To Be Spiritual!
This is the greatest challenge we all as parents face.
Isaac & Rebekah may have failed in some areas as parents -- (oh, don't we all?) -- but I believe the two of them truly tried to teach their twins about God. If we read on in the life of Jacob -- in Genesis 32 & 33 -- we discover that Jacob made his peace with God -- & he also made peace with his brother, Esau. Jacob experienced a life changing -- & a name changing encounter with God. The foundation of that experience was no doubt laid within the home!
The best way to teach faith in God is first of all by example! The Bible gives some very clear guide-lines for instructing our children in spiritual matters. In the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy we find some specific instructions given to parents. It says: -- "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, & all your mind. -- And you must commit yourselves whole-heartedly to these commands I am giving you today. -- Repeat them again & again to your children. -- Talk about them when you are at home & when you are away on a journey -- when you are lying down & when you are getting up again. -- Tie them to your hands as a reminder -- & wear them on your forehead. -- Write them on the door-posts of your house & on your gates" (Deut. 6:5-9 NLT).
My friends -- don't ever leave it up to the church to do all the religious instructing! -- As parents -- we must enter into the instructing process. Teaching your children to be spiritual involves more than just taking them to church. It involves even more than just reading the Bible to them. Teaching them to be spiritual is helping them to develop Christ-like attitudes & principles in their daily lives.
I am so grateful for Christian parents who took me to church -- week after week; -- who themselves were active in the church & taught me by their example. I am so glad that my mother taught me to tithe my earnings before I even knew how to count money; -- who encouraged me to memorize Scripture: -- John 3:16; -- the 23rd Psalm; -- the Beatitudes.
As a parent -- you may say: -- "But I don't have time to do all that." I am glad Susanna Wesley never felt that way. While she was not the mother of twins -- she did give birth to 19 children altogether -- including her sons, John & Charles Wesley. Married at the age of 19 -- Susanna Wesley bore 19 children in twenty-one years. Almost one-half of them died in infancy -- probably due to the fact of Susanna's ill health -- & their births being too close together. Ten of her children lived to maturity -- all became Christians -- & every one of them died "in the Lord." The religious atmosphere of the home may have been a little legalistic -- but the children learned to keep the Sabbath day holy -- to be quiet at family prayer -- & to ask a blessing almost before they could kneel or speak. -- They learned early on to reverence God! Certain hours were assigned each week to each member of the family -- at which time the mother took the child alone into a kind of confessional -- & dealt with each child about his soul. Thursday evening was her hour for son John -- & even in later life -- that evening of the week seemed especially sacred to him. To her ten children -- Susanna Wesley was the human spring to their ambitions -- their safe counselor -- their tender & faithful helper spiritually.
Conclusion: -- Twins are a very special gift from God!
In fact -- all children are special in God's sight! As parents -- we need to encourage our children to be individuals -- to be open & honest -- & most of all to be spiritual!
Raising one child at a time is difficult enough! Parents of twins have an even more difficult job -- for they must help their youngsters -- to grow together & grow apart -- to stay friends & still develop separate identities. And as all parents -- they want to encourage their children to be honest -- & to develop a sensitivity & a reverence toward God.
But as God gives us responsibilities -- so God gives us the grace -- & the patience -- & the wisdom we need.
The Parents of Twins
The parents of twins face special challenges!
One ball is never enough.
There is double the load of diapers; -- double the midnight feedings.
Double are the questions -- "Why?" -- But also double the pleasure!
It takes twice the patience when it comes to raising twins.
When one child cries -- they both cry!
Just as one dog barks at something -- the other dogs bark at the bark.
So -- one twin cries about something -- the other twin cries at the cry.
Sharing is a tough thing for twins to learn: -- sharing your room; -- sharing your bed; -- sharing clothes.
Sometimes its sharing the candy; -- sharing their drink.
Take A Moment To Listen
Take a moment to listen today
To what your children are trying to say;
Listen today, whatever you do
Or they won't be there to listen to you.
Listen to their problems, listen to their needs.
Praise their smallest triumphs, praise their smallest deeds;
Tolerate their chatter, amplify their laugher.
Find out what's the matter, find out what they're after.
But tell them you love them, every single night.
And though you scold them, be sure you hold them;
Tell them "Everything's all right;
Tomorrow's looking bring!"
Take a moment to listen today
To what your children are trying to say;
Listen today, whatever you do
And they will come back to listen to you.
-- Australian Multiple Birth Assn., Fall '88